Second Nature Blue Ridge is excited to bring young adults to the East coast, the 12 Steps to the woods and single-gender to addiction work!
We are excited to offer a safe, supportive peer community of young women to trek through the wilderness, learning together how to transform their past and take charge of their future with the healing power of gender-specific 12 step recovery!
Young adulthood is a time of intense change and potential transformation. It is also a time of additional freedom, stress and responsibility. And a time when young adults are indoctrinated into a culture that supports experimentation with drugs, alcohol and risky behaviors. The increase in drug and alcohol abuse rates among young adults is approximately double what they are in the general population. For many young women their struggles do not start nor end with addiction, it is often a complex web of past circumstances, maladaptive coping and unsuccessful life skills that bring them to a place of needing support and guidance.
Addiction coupled with other vulnerabilities deserves a thoughtful approach of recovery, healing and empowerment. For recovery, the 12 step model is woven into the culture of each group to prepare clients for a seamless transition into real world recovery communities. The young women will be practicing the 10th step of self-inventory and the 11th step of meditation/mindfulness daily to begin making recovery principles a personal practice. They will explore, with the guidance of staff members, who have extensive experience in recovery and the physical, mental and spiritual aspects of the “dis-ease” model of addiction.
Identifying and being sensitive to the underlying factors that contribute to or exacerbate addiction is a key component of the individualized care that each client receives. And with the high correlation of trauma and substance abuse (70% of young adults receiving treatment for substance abuse report a history of trauma exposure) staff has been trained to provide “trauma-informed” treatment, meaning they cultivate a culture of safety, support and connection where each client can heal and grow.
Offering young women a safe place to begin their healing journey helps them grow a strong sense of self and reclaim their power from that which is greater than themselves to step out into the world less triggered, less vulnerable, and more emotionally prepared.
Kelly Wedell EdS, LPC, primary therapist for the group, brings a wealth of experience working with addiction, trauma and other psychological issues in several different settings with young adults and their families. Her experiential nature blends yoga, mindfulness practices, and body centered psychodynamic work, grounded in neuropsychology, Bowan family systems, trauma-informed theory and addiction/recovery expertise. Kelly holds a deep faith in the power of the wilderness and the human capacity for change. For more information, please contact Second Nature Admissions: 866-205-2500.
Dr. Coady Schueler has over twenty-five years experience working with adolescents. Coady received her M.A. in Counseling Psychology in 1986 from Antioch New England Graduate School. She earned her Doctorate in Psychology from the Massachusetts School of Professional Psychology in 1994.
Coady has extensive experience working with adolescent females who have experienced trauma and, as a result, struggle with depression, anxiety, eating disorders, self-harm behaviors, as well as, substance abuse/dependence. Coady’s doctoral dissertation explored how a female adolescent’s conceptualization of emotional intimacy was impacted by her experience of being sexually abused. In private practice, her work focused upon adolescent females who were in the process of addressing the residual impact of their respective trauma; including sexual assault and/or family traumas, such as the death of a parent or loved one. Coady is also highly experienced in working with girls who struggle with abandonment or adoption-related issues.
Coady has a unique ability to establish and maintain a rapport with clinically complex girls, often with unresolved grief. Her diagnostic skills coupled with her ability to formulate a comprehensive understanding of each girl’s personal struggle, guide her interventions. Her warmth and relational skills further help to create a sense of emotional safety within her group. Coady employs the framework of developmental psychology to understand adolescent girls and their struggles and, from there she utilizes cognitive behavioral techniques, psychodynamic theory, as well as, the tenants of family system’s theory to inform her interventions. Patience and humor are also important in her work.
Originally from the east coast, Coady moved to Park City in 1993 with her husband. Coady’s passions include telemark skiing in the backcountry and trail running when the ski season is over. Her most important passion is her son Ketch who continuously keeps her humble by reminding her that even parents need to continue to learn and to change.
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Wilderness Therapy: Learning to Live and Feel in the Present
Justin Stum, MS, LMFT Primary Therapist, Second Nature Entrada
They leave their families, often angry and upset to enter the wilderness. These teens enroll with a wake of difficulty and heartache at home and parents hoping for change. Often these teens are plugged in, yet at the same time tuned out. They talk about friends and memories, boasting of their hundreds of virtual “friends,” yet often are very alone and isolated. They are living via trite connections and frequently lack ‘doing’ and ‘experiencing’ because of the generation they are living in. It is in the wilderness that many, some for the first time, come to think, breathe, and relate to others in real-time, in the ‘now’ as I call it.
At home they have the world at their fingertips, on demand via their smart phone or personal computer. They connect quickly and instantaneously, yet are distracted and self-absorbed rather than self-reflective. Apathetic with regard to sibling and parent-child relationships, they claim their problems are really about their parents not them.
Therapeutic treatment with adolescents in this generation and age is very difficult. As a therapist, I have found that enlisting resistant teens into the therapeutic process is a significant task, but not insurmountable. Helping teens engage in a process of openness and change consideration is difficult. It is through the process of working through the issues in wilderness therapy that adolescents can surrender past defenses and gain significant insights into themselves and their relationships.
The adolescent brain is a work in progress, a developing organ. As the teen brain matures, the prefrontal cortex or 'executive leader' of the brain helps the individual reason more rationally, manage impulses, and make sound judgments. The difficulty is that many of these developing teens are flooding their bodies and brain with drugs and chemicals that disorient the brain from more healthy normal development. In addition, mood swings, intense conflict, and family avoidance impedes their progress and further complicates their understanding and growing in ways that promote healthy relationships at home and overall maturing as they enter adulthood.
As adolescents grow and develop they seek to comprehend and engage with peers outside their family of origin. In time they develop circles of peers, some virtual and some not.Adolescents are hard-wired to reach out and connect with others their age. They undergo an emotional revolution within which they attempt to figure out who they are and where they fit in the world. They want to direct and control their own destiny. During this same window of time, parents are trying to hold lines and guide their former child now-teen, into making healthy decisions, keeping up and learning academically, and communicating and relating well at home.
Wilderness therapy offers a unique environment that assists adolescents in unplugging and leads them headlong into a peer group removed from distractions while being confronted with their own process of what-in-the-world-is-happening-to-me-and-ehy-am-I-here mode of thinking It is this process that does not and often cannot happen in traditional talk therapy at home. In fact, many parents feel hopeless as talk therapy and other interventions at home proved ineffective or marginally effective at best in many cases.
Through the process of wilderness, young men and women can come to understand who they are and how they relate to others, the very developmental achievement needed as they attempt to differentiate from parents and seek independence and autonomy. They come to learn how they can, in fact, live in the present and relate to others in ways that prolong relationships and help to bolster their sense of self. This process occurs relatively free from the distractions and elements that are a part of normal urban life, and would cumber the process. Being in the wilderness without electronics, peers, family, substances, and pastimes helps create space for them to naturally work on understanding who they are and what is happening for them. This process happens through everyday activities in the wilderness.
It is through the process of wilderness therapy that they learn what they are feeling and become astute at identifying and understanding themselves. I recently had a student inform me that for the first time he has begun to feel things he hasn’t felt before. Feelings like genuine regret, disappointment, and sorrow for how he treated his parents and siblings.We discussed the possibility that he may have been ‘attempting’ to feel for some time while at home, but blunted and misguided his emotional process with daily marijuana smoking. As he has come to know and understand how to communicate and interact with others, he has begun to feel emotions he thought he never had experienced before.
The therapeutic process in wilderness is not merely an hour or two of therapy each week, rather the environment itself is a clinical garden that is lead and directed by the treating therapist who takes advantage of opportunities that will provide insight and reflection for young men and women. I have witnessed that individuals learn and grow in productive ways when they participate and learn to live in the present while in the wilderness. Many of the young people I work with are therapy savvy, meaning they can talk the clinical terms but have little grasp on the process of what is really happening at home for them and have not really ‘experienced’ working through issues. For example, it is during a reflection hike when wilderness staff may direct the students to hike for some length of time without talking or chit-chatting with others. Windows of opportunity are often created by staff and therapists to help them reflect and spend some unique time thinking to themselves. I have found that it is during those windows of quiet pondering and reflection that many teens come to ponder on their relationships and where they are heading. The physical rigor of hiking also provides a time for them to focus on their inner abilities and confront a physical challenge, something that cannot and is not done on a smart phone or on the couch. Just enduring at first, then managing and finally conquering the challenges of wilderness living offer the adolescents success and pride in something they know few of their peers and adults have accomplished. For the first time for many, they feel they have achieved something to be proud of.
Fire building is an integral part of wilderness therapy, not simply for its utilitarian principles of cooking and warmth alone, but for the process it provides for teens to feel and work through. Holding the bow steady, listening to coaching from staff and peers, and humbly realizing that they cannot charm the fire into being are a few of the myriad of processes that take place during the fire making that occurs daily. Attention, work, persistence, patience and openness are required prior to the fire’s combustion. It is through this process and ones like it that help them learn to open up and surrender to new ways of thinking. These ways would include listening, being humble, working consistently, and overcoming difficulty. It is these processes that are born out of the fire building process that help them reconnect and begin anew a relationship with parents and siblings that is healthy and stable.
Group activities that require team-work and cooperation are key moments that happen on hikes, during dinner preparation, camp setup, and during group therapy. It is during these moments that teens learn real-time how to work with others. No longer can they avoid by leaving the house or checking out on an iPod. It is through the process of dialogue and feedback that they learn to know and feel others’ perceptions and in turn assist themselves and the group. Groups can only hike as fast as the slowest member—if they want to get to camp sooner they will have to help, not complain, their peers that may not hike as quickly. During meal time it requires many hands, those stoking the fire, others doing meal preparation, others cooking, some on clean-up, etc., for meals to run smoothly. Staff will not do it for them, they are empowered to do for themselves things they often avoided at home. Unlike home where they may have been bailed out often, wilderness teaches them that choices consistently have consequences. Through these processes growth is naturally occurring and often they don’t realize it.
Family therapy is a significant element of the wilderness process. This occurs through letter writing, satellite phone calls, and parent visits to the field.Letter writing occurs weekly and provides a solid slow process for teens to be intentional and present when speaking to parents. It also provides space for parents to become more aware of their own patterns and process with the child. While teens are working in the field parents are reading, pondering, and referencing online webinars on how they can better grow and make changes in their own lives to be the healthiest parent they can be.
The therapeutic process at Second Nature can be a significant process for both parents and child. Change occurs by thinking, feeling and most importantly by doing. Simple cognitive possessing around issues, like what occurs in an hour therapy session at home, often is not and does not carry enough clinical power to help them pull out of the emotional rut they are often stuck in when they enter treatment. Wilderness is one of the most powerful environments to help young men and women break away from old patterns and unplug while coming to terms with who they are and what they ultimately want in their lives. As they come to live in the present and work through the challenges inherent in the wilderness, and away from their ‘former’ life, their minds and hearts open to a better understanding of what was really happening back home. They are then able to face their relationship and behavioral problems with resources and strengths they already had but were buried behind anger, resentment, drug use, and avoidance. It is through the journey of wilderness that young men and women gain a glimpse into their potential and greatness.
Written By:
Zoe, Second Nature Parent, Northern California
Wilderness is where we conveyed our child, yes. But, in a metaphorical sense, Carl and I, the parents, are also in a wilderness of our own. While our child is grappling with a raw and foreign place in Utah, we are not physically removed to any new location, and yet our lives have become unrecognizable. We don’t know how we got where we are, and we certainly don’t know the quickest and most intelligent way out. We are partnered with a therapist who, in essence, is a khaki-clad guide. Surprisingly jovial at times, entirely comfortable and at home in the setting that we find so alarming, the therapist is now traveling with us, revealing the way.
The phone that we use to communicate, the computer we use to watch webinars and download and compose letters, the walls of our bedroom that we read in late at night to try to understand the terrain, don’t seem to lessen our own experience of wilderness. We are trekking, some days with gritted teeth, through valleys and up hills that look impossible from the bottom.
The guide doesn’t stay as long as the journey, though. We are together only a matter of weeks. Eventually we have to set off without him and, in our case, in the company of our child. On our own, assuming point, some days go well and include new and striking vistas; some days don’t. At intervals, usually prompted by set-backs, we review what we have learned, not always very sure that we are practicing the skills as well as they were taught. But we keep moving. We refuse to stand still. Occasionally we look around and realize we have been to a particular place before. We must have inadvertently backtracked, or gone in a circle, and that is disheartening. But mostly we are sure that what we are keeping to the right trail.
And then an invitation arrives, sent out to so many individual travelers on trails far and wide. Directions are given to a nearby base camp. With relief, we head in that direction, with
noticeably more energy in our strides. The Second Nature Parent Workshop is held in a hotel. The floor of the lobby gleams, the escalator rises underneath shimmering chandeliers and a conference room awaits, with chairs set out in rows.
But, to us, what it feels like to walk into this event is a return to base camp. We drop our heavy, dusty packs. More parents file in. We settle and begin to regroup, revisit and recharge.
***
The parent workshop took place on August 27th, a year—almost to the day—since two young, burly Pacific Islanders arrived at our door in the dead of night, walked silently down the hall and entered our son’s bedroom. Atticus hadn’t been sober for any extended period in the several preceding years. Asleep, his body was awash in vodka, oxycontin and marijuana. He had run away once, having gotten wind of this plan. The police were involved, two siblings were shattered watching us chase and him dodge. The morning of the transport came as a heartbreaking relief.
Atticus said nothing, objected not at all. He was jostled awake, a few loving words were choked out by his father, and then he slid on long basketball shorts, picked up his iPod and a sweatshirt as he was asked, and walked out uncomplaining, with complete strangers on either side. Yet, here we are, just 354 days later, riding in our car, heading to Millbrae, California. Atticus is with us, an invited guest on the panel of speakers.
A stone’s throw from the San Francisco Airport, the Parent Workshop gets underway. Old and familiar guides are present, organizing the goings on at base camp. They are teaching additional skills and refreshers, and deftly keeping the schedule. But they are also allowing this setting to work naturally on its own, just as they do for groups of kids gathered around smokey campfires out in the field. Today we learn from each other.
***
Paul
Paul comes to the podium with smiles and notecards and a quick and engaging wit. He declares that he’s not there to talk about his daughter. He wants to talk about himself. His daughter has Borderline personality disorder. She has been to Second Nature more than once. Her problems are not gone, the difficulties within the family aren’t neatly resolved, but Paul’s story is surprisingly triumphant.
He speaks of a personal history that includes a desire for control and for achievements that are traditional and measurable. But these aspects of himself are holding him up, they are stalling progress in his family, and so he has worked on letting go and changing focus.
As a result, he feels closer to his wife. Moreover, his relationship with his other child, a son, is transformed. His happiness isn’t any longer tethered to that of his daughter’s. He loves her; he likes her! But he doesn’t know in what space, in what condition, her life will ultimately take root. If he lives by the notion that “parents are only as happy as their unhappiest child,” he may never feel joyful about his own life, and that’s not what he wants for himself.
Paul sounds like someone who has seen a particularly dark and tangled stretch of wilderness, and yet he’s standing in front of us, with humor, humility and strength. It is so reassuring to see.
Liz
Liz is a young woman in her mid-twenties who explains that she had trouble with substances at a much younger age. Those years ended, the use of substances stopped, but her feeling of being ill at ease did not abate. There was no glaring problem, nothing at which she could point and know with certainty that she needed further help. And yet that was her intuition. She chose Second Nature for herself; she resigned her job and willingly put herself in wilderness.
Listening to Liz, it is hard to imagine her any other way than she is in the present moment. Liz is intelligent, wry, honest, composed. The courage it must have taken to walk away from a life that was going rather well, going well enough, is abundantly apparent in her voice.
She touches on one further point. Her relationship with her parents had always been good, but now, post Second Nature, it is “amazing.” By turns, I take both comfort and inspiration from this story. I imagine my own child expressing such a sentiment about his relationship with his father
and me.
Atticus
In fact, I can’t tell you what Atticus chose to say, because he requested that we leave the room when he spoke. I heard applause and later saw people approach to ask questions and give thanks. Two fathers shared with Carl that listening to Atticus was inspiring. Has he always been that confident? they asked. We are so glad he has returned to sports, to his passion...
What I thought about in the hall was the parent workshop my husband and I attended in January, 2011, just seven months earlier. At the time, Atticus had been home for only a handful of weeks.
On this gray January day, sometime around mid-morning, a Second Nature alumnus came to the front of the conference room. He was tall, handsome, his collared shirt was pressed. He stood with stunning poise, told his story and spared himself nothing. He took question after question, carefully repeating each one so that people at the back could hear. Wisdom and self-awareness poured out of this 19-year-old young man and I hung my head and wept. Would we ever get here? Would our son ever sound like this?
This is the memory I had as I stood waiting in the hall. My son was now in the conference room, collared shirt on, telling a painful story and giving a new gathering of families more insight and hope.
***
Two familiar faces After lunch—and lunch is so pleasantly chaotic with stories and candid accounts that notebooks could be filled with the material—we break up into smaller groups. We face each other in circles and introduce ourselves and our individual circumstances. This is another time to reflect, a time to pick up pearls of wisdom, and offer one or two if you have them to spare.
It was during this part of the day at the January Workshop, that my husband and I regarded a couple that we will never forget. They were attending the workshop as part of a decision-making process. The father struggled to share his son’s story of internet addiction and social isolation, and he seemed so enveloped in sadness and grief as not to notice the comfort of his nearly silent wife. He too hung his head and shed tears, freely admitting that he didn’t know what to do to help and protect his son.
It was one of the most moving expressions of fatherly love we have ever seen, and we could sense that he was straying far from his own personal norms, talking about acute problems in front of perfect strangers.
Carl and I spoke to this couple at the close of the January meeting. We tried to offer encouragement. We expressed our hope that they would make the decision to send their son to Second Nature. Since January, we have wondered about them many times and when they walked into the room looking for two open seats, broad smiles spread across our faces.
On August 27th, they were the last to arrive to our afternoon circle. They took the last two chairs. They didn’t have to utter a word to convey how far they had traveled since winter. They smiled, they laughed, they carried themselves with so much less wooden tension it was remarkable. Their son was doing very well in therapeutic boarding school. Their whole family was doing well. Both husband and wife were eager to share. They were here at the conference to give back, to encourage the next parents, the ones who might be in that now familiar fog, where they were only nine months prior.
***
And so we rise to leave. We have Paul’s Power Bar of energy, we have fresh stores of I Feel Statements and Reflective listening techniques, we have courage from Liz, grit from Atticus and the smiles of two people who feel like old friends. We are back out on our own trail. Hopefully the climbs we make won't feel impossibly steep. Maybe we will make it to a mountaintop. Maybe we will make it there with our son, to take in a sunrise together.
Dr. J Huffine, Primary Therapist,
Clinical Director, Second Nature Cascades
Second Nature Wilderness Programs exist to assist “difficult” or resistant adolescents and young adults in making positive changes in their lives.But what makes one “difficult”?Why do some adolescents (and adults) seem to resist change?
It is a hallmark of therapeutic wilderness programs to help clients begin to engage in their own therapeutic process, so that lasting change can occur.But how?What is actually changing?
I stumbled across a book several years ago that had a profound impact on how I view therapy in the woods, a book written by Fred J Hanna, Ph.D. entitled Therapy With Difficult Clients: Using the Precursors Model to Awaken Change.Dr. Hanna conducted reviews and meta-analyses of research on change, whether that change occurred in a therapeutic context or not.He found that there were seven factors (which he called precursors) that were necessary for change:
1.A sense of urgency
2.Awareness
3.An ability to tolerate uncomfortable feelings
4.A willingness to consistently confront problems
5.Effort
6.Hope
7.Social support
After becoming aware of these factors, I began to think about clients we work with in wilderness therapy.No matter what the profile of the student, the common thread amongst almost all students is a pattern of problematic behaviors (and/or emotions) and an apparent resistance to changing behaviors.Understanding these seven factors led to my own “aha” experience.It has greatly helped my understanding of why some students are more “resistant”, i.e., stuck, than others.
Resistant students are usually deficient in some or all of these areas.The profile of students that I typically work with includes the more “acting in, clinically layered” adolescent male.Often these are individuals with some depression, anxiety, school failure, and some with significant processing issues, social difficulties, and family conflicts.
Often, these adolescents were miserable at home, but showed no urgency to change because of deficiencies in the other precursors.There were often promises to do better, “I’m going to start on that tomorrow”, etc.But unless they had really “hit bottom” there was often a lack of urgency.In wilderness, if for no other reason than to “get out”; students are motivated to do something other than what they had been doing. Motivation for change gradually becomes more internal as students see that something positive is really occurring for them.
Awareness includes both internal awareness (also called insight) and external awareness, how one’s actions affect other people.Progress is impossible without an awareness of internal processes (if you believe in cognitive behavioral therapy), and lack of awareness of one’s own role in his or her own problems results in an inability to improve outcomes by altering behaviors.Wilderness therapy works on awareness constantly through the writing of Impact Letters, giving and receiving feedback, utilizing the“I feel” statement, providing time and space for reflection and introspection.We hold up figurative mirrors and ask, “Do you notice…”
An ability to tolerate uncomfortable feelings? This is huge.Think about changes you have made in your own life.What discomfort did this require?How many teenagers are willing to do something uncomfortable today to benefit themselves down the road?Especially those that have limited resources for coping, or who lack emotional resilience, or have been “rescued” from their feelings too often.Wilderness therapy helps increase emotional capacities, by providing an environment where students can experience their emotions, gain emotional resilience and the ability to tolerate sadness, frustration, disappointment, anxiety, stress, etc.Feelings that come with life.
A willingness to consistently confront problems?Most students I work with show a strong pattern of avoiding their problems.In the woods, this is impossible.The size of the group, the staff to student ratio, the structure all allow for constant monitoring of students’ behaviors.They simply can’t get around their problems, and we help them learn how to work through them.
Effort?Seems obvious that effort is necessary for change, but often there has been a tremendous lack of effort at home in areas that are instrumental to positive change.In wilderness, effort is put into those areas that are important to growth and development.I’ve heard new students say, “hiking isn’t therapeutic, it just ticks me off”.Yet, most students later recognize that effort obviously was necessary and really paid off.Not just physical effort, of course, but emotional and mental effort as well.
Hope is the belief that what we do matters; that we can make a difference in our own lives and that we are not helpless victims.Many students I work with have reasons they have come to the conclusion that, “It doesn’t matter what I do, I’ll never be happy, have the friends I want, feel better, be successful, etc.”They may have biologically based factors that have made their lives more difficult than others.They may have developed “learned helplessness” which is a major cause of depression.Wilderness, above all else, gives hope to the participant.You can’t “not” increase self-efficacy in wilderness therapy.All students are going to succeed on some level.
Lastly, students need a social support system to effect change.Support, encouragement, feedback, and praise, are all necessary.Adolescents typically hear constructive feedback better from each other than from adults.Wilderness provides an instant source of peer and therapeutic support.There is also considerable energy invested in working with each student’s primary support group at home, that is, the family system, which is critical to the long-term success of “difficult/resistant” clients.
It is my belief, that on some level, all people want to live functional, successful lives. When I ask students to rate themselves in relation to the seven “precursors”, they are often quite accurate in their perceptions.We encourage students to understand some of the reasons why they have been stuck and struggling and often, they are relieved to realize that they are not “bad, stupid, lazy”, etc.
Second Nature is highly effective at helping teenagers “engage in their own therapeutic process”.Not only are the very precursors or ingredients necessary for change so directly addressed while they are in wilderness, but foundations for change are laid for the future.By increasing capacities in these areas, adolescents are better able to benefit from future therapeutic opportunities.
Beth Laughlin, M.A.
Director of Development and Admissions
Second Nature 360
When speaking with parents preparing to have their child return home from treatment the conversation is often mixed with feelings of optimism and hope combined with anxiety and fear. The weight of these feelings varies with each parent but more often than not, all of these feelings are expressed. The anxiety frequently focuses on the fear that the parents won’t be able to provide the same level of structure that has been provided in treatment. Most parents are amazed at how well their child has responded to the structure and feel that this has been a key component to the success their child has experienced.
The reality is that often this is true. When all of life’s triggers and distractions are removed from a child’s world, the internal confusion and chaos has a chance to slow down enough to gain more clarity about what’s really going on underneath the behaviors. In the safety of the structure the child can begin to unravel and process what’s going on and then begin to gain tools for addressing these struggles when they reengage life again.
Transitions in general for all of us are disruptive. Some of the most stressful times we experience are during times of transition whether it’s changing jobs, moving, changing an unhealthy habit or simply going home for the holidays. Uncertainty and disruption are natural elements of transition. The goal ultimately is not to completely eliminate the external disruptive texture of transition but to learn how to engage these disruptions differently with better tools as individuals and as a family.
With this in mind, it important to recognize that parents cannot replicate the structured environment of treatment in the home nor should this be the expectation or goal. With 360, transition is often about helping a child move from one environment to another and most of our work with families is about moving a child from more to less structure. We assist families in striking that balance of an appropriate level of structure within the home without overdoing it.
Each child is different and each family is different. There is no one “right” way to strike this balance. One of the key elements of structure lies in the relationship dynamics between the parent and the child. Is there a level of trust in the relationship? Is there accountability built in for the child? Is the communication open and consistent between the parent and child? All of these relationship components play in to balancing the external structure required for a successful transition.
As your child returns home here are a few things to consider:
1.Although anxiety is often revving at its peak when your child first arrives home, avoid going overboard in limiting all of his or her freedom. Discussing limits and being clear about expectations is important but monitoring every moment of your child’s day is neither feasible nor does it send the right message. It is important to reflect a level of confidence (however fragile) in the changes your child has made while in treatment. Again, this varies with every family but even believing in the small changes can help a child build confidence as they face challenges. Remember, your child is often just as scared as you are but may not have the maturity to express this appropriately.
2.Recognize what you can and cannot control. One parent put it well, “I cannot save my child… I can only support and guide them.” It’s important to seek a balance between supporting and reinforcing without displacing your child’s ability to ultimately make their own decisions in order to develop a healthy sense of self and independence. Although this is often a terrifying and painful process for parents to watch, it is frequently during these challenging times where the real growth happens, the parent-child dynamic has an opportunity to change and the tools your child has learned in treatment can be applied. Providing safety without eliminating all the risk and autonomy is the difficult task that all parents are challenged with.
3.While the scope of each family’s rules and habits vary dramatically, it’s important for all parents to reinforce accountability for their child’s actions. Monitoring your child at an appropriate level allows for built in accountability and teaches them responsibility in all areas of their life.Striking that balance of space and freedom without absolute space and freedom is appropriately based on the current level of trust in the parent-child relationship. This helps create an environment of safety for the child. As the trust grows and accountability is honored, more freedom and independence is gained.
Regardless of where parents choose to draw the line between structure and freedom with their child, it’s important to recognize that this process evolves over time. In some situations more structure may be required, in other situations less. By working to avoid the two extremes of either being too authoritarian or too permission, you leave enough room for your relationship with your child to dictate the appropriate ebb and flow that’s required.
www.secondnature360.com
Second Nature 360 helps adolescents and young adults successfully transition from treatment to home, college, or independence. Transitions from one setting to another can be challenging and disruptive for the whole family. We understand what is at stake and know what has already been invested. We can help you protect this investment. 360 provides the family with wrap-around support to ease the disruption and help parents guide and parent their child as he or she transfers the skills learned in treatment to their real-world setting. Visit: http://www.secondnature360.com/
Co-Founder, Partner
Second Nature Therapeutic Wilderness Programs
You’re in crisis. You have done all that you can at home. Your child is in danger. She has become unresponsive to your requests to set limits or talk. You know you need help, but the school counselor and your family therapist don’t seem to have any answers. You check the Internet and find there are schools and programs for “at-risk” adolescents. The websites talk about caring therapy, creative milieus and residential treatment. You come across references to an Educational Consultant. The title seems unclear. You wonder if these professionals work with children suffering from learning differences or with aspirations to get into an Ivy League school.
Is this the best we can do? In this information age, many parents of at-risk adolescents aren’t aware of the professionals who can guide them through one of the most difficult, painful and rewarding journeys their family will ever travel. When the public hears about Educational Consultants, few understand the profession and the benefits of hiring a consultant. In my 15 years of working in wilderness therapy, I have come to truly respect Educational Consultants as partners in helping the families we serve. A good Educational Consultant provides guidance, information on appropriate resources, case management and quality assurance.
Identifying a Good-Fit
The first goal of Educational Consultants is to assess their clients’ needs. After out-of-home placement is determined to be the necessary track, they work to match students and parents with programs and staff. Consultants take into account each client’s specific therapeutic needs, the history and track record of programs they consider, timing, finances, therapeutic models, and culture for the family and child. Their knowledge digs far deeper than attractive websites as a good consultant makes it their mission to know the staff, the model, the history and effectiveness of the options. From the initial contact, families have an advocate and ally they can rely on throughout their child’s entire treatment process.
Case Management
Educational Consulting offers families a parallel process with the therapeutic process. They communicate knowledge gathered from home professionals and family to program staff. In order to match the needs of their clients, an experienced consultant places children and families with specific therapists and staff. Quality educational consulting welds the knowledge of the child, the family, and the therapeutic programs in a cohesive manner.
After admission to a program, the consultant offers opinions and direction to the treating therapist from a larger, systemic vantage point. If a family is struggling with staff and/or policies, the consultant can advocate for the family, and support the family in addressing these concerns with the program. Or the consultant may choose or to redirect the family and encourage them to trust in the process, and the proven and effective treatment being offered.
Consultants are intensely involved during the wilderness or assessment phase of treatment. When the family moves to an aftercare program, the consultant continues to monitor progress and maintains communication with the family and the program. They follow the process through until the eventual discharge of the child, when plans are made for reintegration into the family or independent living.
Quality Assurance Advocate
Educational Consultants offer a reference point for families to insure that programs accurately reflect the services and programming offered. A good consultant is aware of a variety of programs and recommends safe, qualified programs with excellent staff. Educational Consultants have their ear to the ground, never merely relying on marketing brochures, websites or outdated program information. They personally visit new and existing programs to monitor and keep abreast of current trends.
More than a “human search engine,” an Educational Consultant is the glue, the lubricant, the wall, the sounding board, the compass, and the gear that makes the process effective. Second Nature values working with dedicated, skilled and caring members of the Independent Educational Consulting profession.
